( too much, too soon. )

[jordie]

a light snow dusted the once green grass, which was now brown due to the chilled air of the winter. a slight wind blew through the rustling oak trees and a soft snow started to fall as maxine finally made her way out of her car and onto the snow covered lawn towards a certain plot. ever since she was little, max knew that she could only trust one person in her family. she knew that this one person would be there for her no matter what and would fight the odds to keep her safe and happy. who was the person? it was her brother. only three years older than her, max looked up to stark like no one, and stark looked after max. he would be there for her no matter what, that's what he always would say to her starting at age five on up. and when he turned eighteen and enlisted in the army, that didn't change anything. that would talk on a regular basis about things back home and about what was going on over there. stark would always call max before anyone else because he knew just how alone she really was. you see, as soon as max hit the magic age of sixteen and got her driver's lisence, their parent's were off on some type of retirement trip. she remembered one time, she was eighteen and she'd gotten extremely sick. she got flowers from her parents, while stark got to use his leave early to make sure she was alright. stark always seemed like more of a parental figure to max than her parents had, so when she'd recieved that horrible call only about three weeks ago, it shook her world completely. she was at work, like usual, but when her phone went off four times in a row, she knew it had to be important. the fourth time it rang, she took it to another room and answered. and as soon as she heard the news, she didn't want to believe it. your brother, stark rosenthal, was killed yesterday in an ambush. we're sorry for your loss. and then they hung up. that was all the told her, no re-assuring words or saying that he died peacefully. nothing. but, in her heart, she knew that he hadn't. the rest of the day was a blur. one of her co-teachers found her crying in the storage closet she'd went to answer the call. and from that point on, she didn't remember anything. she knew somehow her car got home and somehow the preschool had gotten someone to take over her shift for the next week or so. but she didn't really understand how any of that happened. the only thing she couldn't come to grips with was loosing her brother.

the funeral wasn't any better. maxine and stark's parents stood like statues next to his casket, not a sign of emotion on either of their features. but, as soon as you would look at max, you knew she was hurting. she kept strong, though, all the way through the calling hours only minimal tears. but when the pastor got up and started talking about what a great and heroic man stark had been, the tears started to fall. they had asked maxine to say a few words about the type of person her brother was, and with a lump in her throat, she did. the only real reason she still remembers what she said was because she forced herself to memorize. stark deserved the best, and that was what she planned to give him. that, though, was weeks ago. and now, as maxine timidly approached her brother's grave, there was a slight sadness in the air. people could tell that max was different now. she used to be happy and cheerful all the time, but after stark's death, that changed. she was having a hard time putting on this fake face at work and she was having an even harder time around her friends. they all seemed to expect her to be better by now. it's been three weeks, maxine. shouldn't you be over it? is what they would say, trying to get some type of reaction out of her. it was hard, though. her foots made sounds crunching down in the snow and a small tear fell down her cheek as she approached the freshly polished limestone rock that was in front of her. stark andrew franklin rosenthal, a true american hero. she traced over those words with her chilled fingers. she took in a staggered breath and let it out slowly as she allowed more and more tears to fall from her eyes. he really was a hero, and not only to america, but to maxine, too. she wouldn't be the person she was today if it wasn't for stark. but now, he was gone. taken too early, actually. her was only twenty seven years old. he didn't have any kids or any wife. he didn't have much money and he wasn't exactly the most well known person on the block. but, to maxine, he was the world. and what killed her the most was that she never got to properly tell him goodbye or tell him how much he had helped her along the way. "hey," she said softly, her voice visible in the chilly air. "it's been a long day." and with that, she proceeded to sit down in front of his headstone, her pants and bottom getting cold from the snow, and told him about what had happened to her that day.


tag: lucas. (: words: 934 notes: hope you like it! (:

[lucas brayden samuels]

There was something about this that felt totally wrong. How it was wrong there was no answer too, but it did feel wrong. Lucas Samuels had this feeling that something was wrong. He didn’t know what in the world it was. Everything felt wrong about being here, just with how many gravesites were there and everything else that involves a cemetery. It wasn’t about being scared, for which Lucas actually was scared to be here. It was taking a lot of effort for him to even show up, especially not to break down and just run off. He believed he had to do this for him, but he didn’t exactly know how. Ever since he was little, he hated coming here, for family funerals and funerals that were friends of his parents. Then, the last funeral he had attended too, was his own parents. And that was many years ago. And the last time he was at the cemetery visiting? Probably had to be when he was fourteen. He vowed to himself that he would never comeback, as much as he loved his parents and wanted to come to visit them, he couldn’t even stand to see them in their graves, let alone if they were alive today. It was just something he didn’t want to even do, but he had too. And for that, he was giving himself some props..

He remembered the day so clearly. Though it had happened when he was six, his memory was strong enough to remember it. He was at a friend’s house for a sleepover the night before. They were just going to have a boy’s night and have fun. The next day they were coming to get him, and it was snowing, and no one knew about the black ice on the ground. From what he was allowed to know, they spun out and hit a tree. As he was growing up, he learned the real truth from asking his guardians, his aunt and uncle. They told him the truth, about some drunken guy hitting them, which then caused them to spin until they had hit a tree. His parents had died instantly, they had told him. He took it upon himself to blame it on him, because they were on their way to pick him up from his friend’s house. He didn’t know how to fully forget about it, but he had to pretend too, which he had been for so many years. At some times, he would break down and have a meltdown. Other times he just hid all of it inside of him. He never liked to tell people what had happened with him, he just told them they died, but nothing more than that. He remembered going to school and having special treatment and going down to the counselors just to talk. That’s not what he needed. All he wanted was his parents.

And that brings him to now, he chose to comeback, only because it marked the anniversary since they had died. And it was killing him to even be here, but he chose to do so, just to talk and bring flowers. That was what he had in his hands. Lucas parked his car and headed towards their graves. It wasn’t a huge one, but it was a medium size with both their names on it. It wasn’t a far walk from his car, it was actually pretty close, but he enjoyed the walk. His other hand was shoved into his coat pocket as he walked. He kept to himself, talking to himself about what he had to do in the upcoming days. Finding their plots wasn’t hard either; they were buried under a tree. Finding it easily, he had heard the snow crunching underneath him and was peaceful. Getting to them, he crouched down and set the flowers there. He wasn’t going to cry, but he was going to give a smile. Hey Ma and Pops. I brought ya some flowers. Something special I guess. I was never good at gifts you know. Lucas said with a small laugh. He didn’t even know what to do anymore, it was just a small talk, but he never understood anything. He didn’t want to understand anything. All he knew was that his parents were dead and he believed he was the blame of it all. Lucas knew that if they could talk to him, they would tell him not to blame himself. And that was true.

So, I got that job I was aiming for. Remember how I wanted to be an officer? I got it. I’m not a rookie, but I’m one of the main cops. Cool huh? He said. He didn’t know how to even start a conversation with deceased people. He was horrible at it, but he had too. And Lucas knew it wasn’t going to take forever here. He was going to leave shortly, he just wanted to stop by and give them the flowers. Thanks for watching out for me. Wish you were here ya know? He said softly. Lucas went looking around with his head. He stopped at something, a blond-haired girl. She wasn’t that far from him, but there was a distance between them. He sighed softly, looking at his parents and smiled. He didn’t know if he should go talk to the girl or not, she probably wanted to be alone, but no one should ever be alone like this he thought. Leaning back up, he leaned forward and kissed their grave, telling them he would come back on a warmer day. Still debating on if he should go over there, he went walking that way. His hands shoved into his pocket and went walking that way. Standing a bit away, but still able to see her and what she was looking at , -well, he was near her too a bit-, he kept his lips lined up. Was he a hero? He asked, sounding stupid. Not sounding rude, but, he was a hero, right?

tagged: Maxine. words: 1006. notes: itll be nicer tomorrow with a picture. had to post it now. Hope its amazingly good.

[jordie]

after softly explaining all the mishaps that had went on that day, max just smiled and looked down at the headstone, almost wanting it to say something back to her even though she knew it wasn't going to. it killed her to not hear his voice anymore over long distance phone calls and it hurt even more to know that the only time she'd see his comforting smile was in pictures. maxine could sense another presence with her at the cemetery, but she didn't really do anything about it. she just sat with her brother in silence, letting tears fall from her eyes. people didn't understand how hard this was for her. he had been the one person who she could always count on and now he was gone. and yet, the people who killed him were still running free in iraq or afganistan. wherever they were from. now, how the hell was that fair? life wasn't really fair and this was a prime example of that. and the more max thought about it, the more upset and angry she got. how could they let this happen? then, she realized that other soldiers died in that act. many did, actually. she'd even skye'd with some of the young men before. some had families, children even. how could god or whoever was the higher power let the bad guys kill a good, family men like some of those people? it was just something that shouldn't have happened. but, the reality of it was that it did. and it caused a lot of broken families, maxine included. before she could say anything else, though, her silence was broken. but it wasn't broken by the voice of her brother or any one she could recognize lately. it was from someone who sounded very vaguely familiar. at his question, she simply nodded her head. "yes," she muttered, her voice broken and weak. she sounded like she'd been crying for weeks, just exactly what she had been doing. not all the time, of course, but it was off and on in little spurts. the stupidest things would set her off. like, at the preschool the children where making hot chocolate and one of the little boys looked at maxine and asked for some marshmellows with the biggest grin in the world. for some odd reason, that reminded her of stark and how they used to make hot chocolate in the lobby of some fancy hotels while their parents went skiing. naturally, she had to leave the room for a few minutes and the little boy ended up crying because he thought he'd hurt ms. max's feelings. after a quick hug, things were all forgiven and back to normal.

wiping away a few loose tears, maxine turned around to see who had came to talk to her. as soon as she laid her eyes on him she knew exactly who he was. high school memories flooded back to her of football games and basketball games. lucas samuels was his name and he had almost every single girl in the school smitten with his bad boy good looks and jock persona. i say almost every girl, because maxine wasn't fooled by that. she always knew there was more to lucas than met the eye. so, unlike the other girls, she didn't drool when he walked past. and if she had a conversation with him, which was rare, it would be about important things rather than just a few words interjected with a bunch of school girl giggles. she still couldn't help but be attracted to the young man, though. who wouldn't be? she was just not as shallow as the other girls. it had been a few years or so since she'd seen lucas and he didn't look much different, only a little more old and worn. she shot a small smile in his direction before turning back to her brother's headstone. "he was killed in combat," she explained, her voice still a bit shakey, but growing stronger. she cleared her throat and let a few more tears roll down her cheek. she wasn't the best at keeping those in, but she didn't care anymore. "an ambush, actually. but that's all the told me." maxine's voice tended to trail off and she was a tad bit confused. why was she telling this to lucas? they hadn't spoke in forever so why would he give a shit about her now? she shook her head lightly and then wiped off her tear stained cheeks. "our parent's kind of sucked. so he took care of me." which was really true. at this moment, she had no idea where her parents were. as soon as the funeral was over, they bolted again, like they could care less about their son or how their daughter was coping. "i guess, what i'm trying to say is that he was more than just an american hero," maxine concluded. she didn't feel as if she needed to say anymore. the question was answered and that was that. if he was interested in what she had to say, he would stay with her, if not, he'd move on. either way, she didn't really care anymore. but, deep down, a part of her wanted him to stay, wanted him to care just a little bit. maybe that would show her that everyone wasn't against her over extended grieving. someone who would finally understand what it's like to be totally alone.


tag: lucas. (: words: 913 notes: i love them already. (:

[lucas brayden samuels]

Lucas took in a breath. He had known who she was, which was by looking at her face and at the stone, which said her brother’s name. He only had recognized the Rosenthal, which was her last name. It had hit him then that was Maxine Rosenthal. He remembered her clearly like a bell. She was one of those girls who didn’t fall into the trap of being so obsessed with him like other girls. She wasn’t the one who giggled every time he said hi or smiled. Maxine was different, and he had liked that she was different than the others. That was what he had his attention set on, he liked different, not the same old things every day. Lucas talked to her a few times, if it was important, but never again has he talked to her. She was like how he remembered her, tall and pretty, and someone who had wasn’t afraid of anything. He usually saw her at school, always walking around with her friends, and even at the football and basketball games, he wondered why she would want to come to those, or was it that she liked him and hoped he would do well. He never pondered it, nor did he want too. She was pretty then, and she was sure as hell still pretty now. He wasn’t going to deny that at all. She, out of all the girls in the school that was in his grade or a year younger than him, was his major crush in high school.

He stepped a bit closer now. His eyes going back and forth between her and the stone, he nodded as she spoke here and there about her brother. All he could do was give a small smile. He had known the feeling in some way, losing someone you love the most. He wasn’t a stranger to that at all. It was a pain and sadness to finally come here to see the people you loved. So, he did know where she was coming from at least. At least you were proud of him, it takes guts to go into the Army.. It’s a sad thing to lose someone you love, but we all have to move on soon. I know, somewhat, of what your felling though. That tree all the way over there. That’s where my parents are. Both of them died when I was six years old. Lucas said. Truly, he didn’t want to get on her bad side or anything else, why would he though, he hadn’t seen her in years, and now all of a sudden it’s at a cemetery that he sees her. He sighed a content sigh, not wanting to do anything else but stand here with her. He didn’t know if she wanted him to stay or to go, he would do whichever she wanted him to do, he wouldn’t cause any trouble with her about that. It has been a long time Maxine, you know. You still look like you did the last time I seen you, just more mature. Lucas spoke.

The brown eyes had looked at her now, noticing some tears here and there were still coming down her face. His hand reached up to her face and he rubbed his thumb to wipe them away. He took his hand back into his pocket and nodded. Do you wanna talk? I’ll stay and listen to you. There is no harm in wanting someone to talk too. Lucas asked and stated at the same time. It sounded like he was asking to help her more than helping himself. He wasn’t going to ask her to help him, considering that she probably didn’t care about him. But, he thought that maybe she just needed someone to talk too, other than herself and a gravestone. Though, he wouldn’t blame her on it, he himself had just talked to a gravestone. Lucas knew about her past, only a little bit. He knew about how she had her brother, only because he rarely saw her parents around with her, and it was mostly her brother. He didn’t know how many people knew about his past, other than maybe his parents death, but he didn’t know how much of it did they know. In his mind, he was wondering if she really wanted him to stay, because in some sort of way, he also wanted to stay. He wanted to talk to her, see how she’s been, what her life has been like –other than the fact of this subject-, just the small stuff he wanted to know. But he wasn’t going to pry into her life like that; she had the decision to let him in or not.

There was another thought in his head, the stupid stuff like did she have a boyfriend, a husband, what is she doing with her life, and so on. He wasn’t going to go on and ask her, because he also knew she probably was thinking the same way as he was. To him, he was going to take things slow with her, only because of how fragile she looked at this stage. He stood there quietly with the girl he used to have a crush on so many years ago, he wasn’t going to lie; Lucas still had that crush on her. Who wouldn’t want to like a girl like Maxine? Like I had said earlier, she was different than everyone else, and that had caused him to like her so much. That’s probably why when he was at games; every now and again he would look her way, just to see if she was there. He would always get his answer, because he knew where to look. She always sat in the same spot, and that’s how he knew she was there. Lucas liked it though, he liked that she wasn’t a girl to swoon over him at every word and that she would actually watch football and basketball games. Lucas shook his head, getting the thoughts out of his head and looked down at the girl, he had to be at least a few inches taller than she was, which, he was basically taller than every girl. Silently, he waited for her to speak again.

tagged: Maxine. words: 1047. notes:i know:)).

[jordie]

"i'm sorry," she muttered softly under her breath. "about your parents, i mean." again, a whole new debate was forming her head. how could her parents, who couldn't give a damn less about max or stark when he was alive, live while lucas' parents died? it just wasn't right. she would never understand the balance of the universe if that meant loosing people who actually changed other people's lives and keeping those who wouldn't even look your way if they had the chance. "it must have been hard. you being so young and all." of all the years in high school where maxine had known lucas, she never knew that about his parents. there was never any reason for her to find out, so she just didn't know. and now, though, it almost hurt her that she hadn't spoken to him more. had she been that much of a loner bitch to not spend time with him? of course, she did got to many of the basketball and football games with charlotte, one of her best friends, and she wasn't going to lie, she really did cheer him on, like any sports golden boy should be cheered on, but, as stated earlier, she always sensed there was more about him, but she never followed up on that thought. she smiled lightly and then turned her attention over to lucas after he said that she looked the same as she had the last time he'd seen her. "so, i was a crying mess?" she said with a laugh. she hadn't genuinely laughed in three weeks, so it was an odd sound coming from her at the moment. but, also, she wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment of an insult. was he saying that she looked just as bad as she had in high school? or was he saying that she looked just as pretty as she had in high school? either way, it wasn't like she cared. she wasn't looking for a hook up, what she was really looking for was someone who truly understood what it meant to loose someone you loved, and maxine was quickly finding out that maybe, just maybe, lucas samuels, the boy she had barely spoken to in high school but still heard gossip to spare about, was that perfect person? or, should i say, exactly what she needed? because, thanks to scrubs, maxine had learned that a person didn't need to be perfect to be exactly what you need. "you haven't changed much either," she said, softly after a few moments of silence. "but that's not a bad thing." she didn't want to him to think that she was insulting him or anything of that sort. the last thing she wanted to do was annoy him or chase him away.

maxine's eyes then moved towards her brother's grave and it just hurt her even more to see his name again. coming here did make his death go smoother for her, but it also reminded her of how real it was. sometimes, she'd wake up in the morning, get online, and instantly check to see if stark had sent her anything, but when her inbox was filled with coupons, advertisements, and junk mail, reality set back in. stark really was gone. she was surprised when he wiped away one of her never ending tears, but felt comforted at the same time. if he hadn't have put his hands back into his pocket, max would have instinctively grabbed it, holding on tightly for some type of reassurance and closeness. and then she heard him ask her if she wanted to talk about it. no one, besides charlotte who had heard everything five times over, had asked her that since the funeral. no one really cared anymore. but lucas was that beacon of light max had been hoping for. she looked over at him and her lips curled up into a small smile. "i'd like that," she said, letting a few more tears out. "i know it sounds stupid and i know that a lot of people die in the military everyday, i just wish they would have told me how it happened. you know, if he suffered or not," her voice trailed off a tiny bit. who was she kidding? of course he had suffered. there was a part of her that hoped he hadn't though. another part of her was even more upset because she knew there was nothing she could do about it. she couldn't go back in time and talk stark out of joining the army. that only happens in harry potter and in your dreams, not in real life. "i just," she started to say before her voice cracked a little and a sad sigh escaped her lips. "wish there was something i could have done." she then looked up at lucas and tried to smile, but couldn't. tears were filling the brim of her hazel eyes and she was forced to blink them away, letting them cascade down her chilled face again. the constant falling snow wasn't helping with the cold, either. but she had grown used to it by now. she looked down at the headstone and then turned to her purse, which had been neatly around her shoulder the entire time. she unzipped it and scrambled through, pulling out a glossy piece of paper and handing it to lucas. on the back in smudged black ink it read staying sane. make good choices. love, stark. she cleared her throat and then spoke, "that's him." as she said it, she pointed to a young man with a stupid grin on his face. and then, she pointed to another man making a kissy face towards stark. with a small laugh, she said, "and that's nate, his friend. he was killed, too."

tag: lucas. (: words: 978 notes: click here that's the picture she showed him. ^^

[lucas brayden samuels]

Lucas had laughed, and then shook his head at her comment. She wasn’t a crying mess, that wasn’t how he remembered her in high school.. But something he heard was nice. Her laugh, he figured that she hasn’t laughed in a while. He took his hands out of his pockets and looked at her with a smile. No, not a crying mess. Just by how you are now. Not crying though, the laugh, the smile.. Everything basically. Lucas said, smiling at her again. He watched her look back and forth at him and the gravestone. He couldn’t help her and what not, but he could in a way. Lucas shrugged then. Nah, Don’t worry about it.. It was hard and all, but I seem to just forget the past.. This is my first time being back here really.. The last time I was here, I was ten. But thank you. Lucas said softly. That was technically the first time someone had said im sorry to him. People would say im sorry for your loss, but to him, that was different. And like he has been always saying, she was different with everything and he liked that. He knew he wasn’t the person he was back then, the person who would let everything slide, and just go with the flow and have the girls follow him. He had changed he believed. He was more serious about this, yet he was carefree about other things. He grew up basically from his high school years. But, he still had the charm he had ever since he was younger. Lucas gave her a look, then gave a chuckle. I don’t take that as a bad thing. You shouldn’t think that way either about what I said about you too. Lucas added at the end. Oh how he had wished he was back in high school and could fix everything he did, just to talk to her and see what would go on from there. But he knew, what was in the past was in the past now. And he couldn’t go back to it at all and fix it as much as he wanted too. He could imagine it differently, be he could never fix it. There was no way he could make a DeLorean into a time machine like in Back to the Future. That would be pretty cool, but there was no way in hell he could do that. In some way, he wondered if she could fix the past too, but she would work more about getting her brother back than actually dealing with the whole high school problems. But, like Lucas would think, it was only what she would want to do, and not what he thought she would do.

Once she had said that she would love to talk, he grinned. She needed to talk to someone and Lucas was at the moment. So, he clearly wouldn’t mind it at all, like I had said earlier, he was all for listening and he wouldn’t judge anything anyone had said. He sniffled as the snow started falling and everything. He noticed her pulling out a picture and he laughed, in a good way about it. That’s great. Seems like a good and funny guy. Those are the best type of brothers. Lucas said. He knew that because of Charlotte. He was basically like a brother to her, they were best of friends and hell, they would always get in trouble for stupid things. It just showed how awesome they were together. Lucas had looked at her and gave another smile. You know, I did say I will listen.. Do you want to go somewhere and talk? I don’t mind for whatever you choose Maxine. If we go somewhere, how about it be my treat? Lucas added a few moments later. He cleared his throat and looked around. It seemed nice to see some snow falling again. It always meant something good to him; something like everything will be okay. His mom told him that when he was younger and he always stuck to it. Just the littlest quotes like that he kept onto. They were good memory sakes really. And the quotes his father said too. They were great. Those were a factor with him passing high school and everything else he had endured during that time. His eyes went back to the attention of Maxine. She was still lovely to him. We are allowed to think about the what ifs you know.. If we keep thinking about them, it will tear your life apart. So we only want to think about them here and there. That’s what helped me through it all.. Oh, and I promise you, everything will get better in time. Trust me on it, okay? Lucas answered, though she didn’t ask a question. He had guaranteed the last part of it, the promise at least. He was going to wait patiently, he didn’t want to rush Maxine at all, besides, it was her decision is she wanted to go or not, he just made the decision for him to listen to her. That was what she needed though, someone to talk too. And he was glad that he was going to be the one listening. Lucas was never the one to judge, and he hated when people wanted to be judged and there were people who did judge people. They were hypocrites in his book. And they would always be that way in his book. Lucas gave a content sigh, and went on to watching the snow fall and waiting for her to answer him whenever she was ready too. He was, glad at least, that there was someone else out there who was feeling the pain like he was. His eyes landed on Maxine, waiting for her patiently has he went on to shift his weight on his other leg. He knew everything would start to be okay for her once she started to speak and talk about what has happened. She needed to get it off her chest he figured, and he was the right person to listen to her.

tagged: Maxine. words: 1027. notes: so, i just decided to combine everything in two paragraphs:) But here you gooo